“I decided to make my own lip gloss so I put food coloring in petroleum jelly. Now it’s stuck in my lips! Tomorrow I have online classes and will have to turn my camera on.”

“My parents mistook a brining bag for an oven bag, and the plastic melted all over the turkey.”

“Well, it’s not a good idea to clean the screen of a laptop with glass cleaner.”

“I wish I was laughing because it’s funny but I’m actually laughing because that’s how I cope with pain.”

“Oh man, you’re screwed!”

“Apparently, my baked goods don’t feel too well.”

“The education system is beyond messed up. Please create a class that teaches us guys to gift wrap. I wrap more presents than I use the Pythagorean theorem.”

“There was a piece of sand on my glasses’ cleaning cloth.”

“Good morning, I just poured milk onto my plastic-wrapped coffee.”

“I let my boyfriend take my car to see his mom. My car keys have a glass-breaking rescue tool on them. This is my boyfriend’s mom’s table now.”

“It’s funny until it happens to you...”

“When you drop the milk just right...”

“I put my shoes in the dryer and they turned into boomerangs.”

“I made a rabbit myself the other day. I am 34 years old.”

“I wanted to bake a Reddit cookie but got distracted...by Reddit.”

“I dropped my marinated salmon fillets just as we were about to eat.”

“I tried to make Sponge Bob chocolate for Christmas and dyed them green. Now they look like bars of soap.”